EP #172: The Role of Love with Paul Zolman
Some say that love is a verb. Today’s guest would agree.
Paul Zolman created a game (and wrote a book) all about putting love into practice. You may have heard of The 5 Love Languages. Paul appreciated how meaningful they can be in our relationships. Yet, he felt something was missing - the action. He needed something to help him use the language as a meaningful force in his life.
Paul is very open about his childhood experiences with abuse and love (or lack thereof) in our conversation. He created Role of Love to help reverse some of the habits and beliefs he had formed over the majority of his life.
Get ready to put love into action.
What You'll Learn In Today's Episode:
About the abuse Paul endured growing up
How Paul thinks his upbringing affected his social skills
What happened to Paul’s first marriage
What non-profits need to use crypto for good
What is destination dating
About Paul’s relationship with his siblings
The role that anger played in the Zolman family
Paul’s initial thoughts on the Love Languages
Paul’s solution to make the languages more actionable
About the legal questions Paul had on his idea
About Paul’s “game”
What’s a “Love Language Linguist”
How Paul experienced love outside of the family
The power that love has on relationships
Ways to overcome a struggle to apply the love languages
How to understand your partner’s love language
About what Paul calls the “variety of life”
About the elementary forms of love
How to get to the higher forms of love
How love is a rainbow
Paul’s vision for love in the classroom
How Paul’s concepts apply in the workplace
Ideas Worth Sharing:
“When my father spanked me severely on the belt. There was nowhere to go. You just had to suck it up and take it in.” - Paul Zolman
“I had a lot of residual anger from my childhood.” - Paul Zolman
“I was probably about age 35 before I stopped blaming my father for the social awkwardness.” - Paul Zolman
“I was starting to be annoyed at people…I was stacking those annoyances on top of each other.” - Paul Zolman
“I’m the 10th of 11 children.” - Paul Zolman
“The hard times were the abuse.” - Paul Zolman
“I’m responsible for my own actions” - Paul Zolman
“I was even the remote control when we were growing up.” - Paul Zolman
“You have to do what big sister says.” - Paul Zolman
“What if I could make this a game?” - Paul Zolman’s speaking about the Love Languages
“Pictures actually burn into your mind.” - Paul Zolman
“You roll the die every day.” - Paul Zolman
“You giving it away without any expectation of it coming back.” - Paul Zolman
“Most people will learn all five love languages to give it away.” - Paul Zolman
“When it comes your way, you’ll be able to see it and respond accordingly.” - Paul Zolman
“If I wasn’t feeling whacked, I wasn’t feeling loved.” - Paul Zolman
“You expect love to be regular. You expect it to be consistent.” - Paul Zolman
“I started loving my teachers at school…They were much kinder than my parents.” - Paul Zolman
“I didn’t like all the other kid saying, ‘Oh, you’re the teacher’s pet.’” - Paul Zolman
“You will do whatever you’re asked to do.” - Paul Zolman speaking about loving someone
“Annoyances were about what other people were doing.” - Paul Zolman
“Instead of saying ‘what’s wrong with that person’…I said, ‘What’s right with that person.’” - Paul Zolman
“It was always the positive impact. How can I make that person have a better day?” - Paul Zolman
“There’s an evolution there that you’re talking about.” - Paul Zolman speaking about Bob’s changing love language experience
“I realized anger has its own culture.” - Paul Zolman
“Everybody needs to recognize where they’re at on the spectrum.” - Paul Zolman
“Right now, my rally call is to school teachers.” - Paul Zolman
“These are all things that can be done easily in the work setting.” - Paul Zolman
“You’ve been doing a case study or some experiential learning since you were a young person.” - Bob DePasquale
“There is a natural human desire for affection and love.” - Bob DePasquale
“It almost seems too simple to apply this.” - Bob DePasquale
“I’m pretty much an acts of service type of guy.” - Bob DePasquale
Resources In Today's Episode:
Paul Zolman - LinkedIn
Role of Love - Website
Paul’s book - Role of Love
James Clear’s book (that describes the Plateau of Latent Potential) - Atomic Habits
Bob’s Book - Personal Finance in a Public World
This week’s E-Impact Blog Entry
Episodes Referenced:
EP #164: How to be Naturally Confident with Phil Januszewski
