Impressions: Why Seeking Them is Dangerous
Boom!
You must make a good first impression. How was that?
I spent a lot of time deciding which version of onomatopoeia to use to catch your attention. If you’re still reading I am excited (well, maybe relieved).
I do believe that you should do your best to start out well in relationships, business, presentations, and many aspects of life. It gives people a positive outlook. It helps them see your best and even if it’s an outlier, it shows your potential. You have the capability of doing whatever you impressed them with.
Here’s the problem. When you try to impress people, you lose track of your actual skills. I don’t believe that anyone is “born to impress”.
Impressive Accomplishments
There are some really impressive people in our world. Think of the great athletes, actors, and musicians that you looked up to when you were younger (or even now). How about the spiritual leaders and business people who’s words you read and conferences you attend. Those people are really talented. Whether you believe their skills are God-given or trained, they do something really well. It’s impressive!
Remember last week when I talked about my wife’s socially distanced marathon in our neighborhood? Well, this week she’s just running a measly ten miles to “cool down” (in fact, she’s done already, as opposed to last week when I was still running while I was writing). I’m impressed. If you asked her, I don’t think she would say that she’s naturally talented at distance running. She’s had to train very hard for it. In my opinion, it’s her determination that was more extraordinary than actually running 26.2 miles (without stopping).
An Olympic marathon runner is also extraordinary, just in a different way. The ability to run all those miles in about two hours is incredible.
Outside of running, what do Tiki Gelana and my wife have in common? Probably not much, but they have made an impression on me. Albeit a different impression. One was based on determination, the other was based on ability.
So, the questions is, why would someone run that far? You might say, “I have no idea. They’re crazy.” I might agree with that except I have run a marathon (this is a story for another time) and I understand the competitive forces that an athlete possesses. They run (and achieve what they desire) because they have a goal, not to impress people.
Trying to Impress
Did you ever try to impress someone when you were a child? I can’t remember too many instances of that for myself, but one thing sticks out. When I was in sixth grade (middle school in South Florida), I reached my note taking peak. Or, at least I thought I had. We wrote hard copy notes back then? I am sure many still do, but there is good reason that I type this blog and go nowhere near a writing utensil.
I feel like sixth grade for me was a big leap. It was a new school, new area, new people, and the responsibility of changing classes. I had to monitor time and direction at the same time? It’s amazing how much of a struggle that was for someone who loves to multi-task these days. I guess you could say that it was learned and not a natural talent. I’m the person who trains just to finish the proverbial marathon, not the Olympian. Actually, I didn’t train for my actual marathon and that’s why there is story for a later entry as mentioned above.
My first hour class in sixth grade was science. This was extremely convenient because on the campus of Tequesta Trace Middle School the science labs were right in the middle of everything. It would be impossible to miss them. On my first day of school, it was really easy to make it to my inaugural middle school learning experience.
I am of the belief that learning in the early portion of middle school is much more related to the social and relational aspect of life than the academic. Honestly, I don’t remember much outside of the stories I tell (like this one in the October 13th E-Impact). With that being said I didn’t think that deep at the age of eleven.
One of the things that you had to learn to do in middle school was how to take notes. Class now included more lecturing and less activities. We weren’t given worksheets to complete as much as we were expected to apply what we discussed to our homework assignment.
I must give a lot of credit to my sixth grade science teacher. The fact that she dealt with me was credible enough, but teaching me life skills was incredible.
Taking notes was quite a journey for me. As alluded to previously, my handwriting was, is, and will always be subpar (not impressive, haha). My teacher's method for helping the class learn how to take notes was to provide for us what to write. She used an overhead projector. These still exist? Wal-Mart sells them?
On the screen in the front of class were the exact words for us to write. Seems easy enough, right? It was too easy. The competitive forces (yes, the same ones of the Olympian) eventually kicked in. Taking notes became a speedwriting competition (maybe this contributed to my handwriting downfall). A few of my classmates and I developed the habit of aggressively dropping our pens and looking up when finishing our transcriptions of what the projector displayed. Today I would describe it simply as, “embarrassing…”. At that time though, it was a worthy attempt to impress.
We weren’t learning anything in the moment. And we probably weren’t learning anything later either as how could you possible read what you raced to scribble down? Thankfully, the material wasn’t that challenging and exceptional note taking certainly wasn’t a requisite for a passing grade.
After a couple weeks of the note taking competition that was first hour, one classmate of mine and I developed a bit of a personal competition. I must confess that I was not a big fan of her personality. I don’t remember ever doing anything mean to her, but out scribbling her was my way of “winning” and impressing the others in the class. Honestly, she probably was better than me at note taking. I assume she could actually read what she was writing. I was just trying to impress.
I should have set a better example for my fellow classmates. This was an outright public show. I am surprised our teacher didn’t put a stop to it.
Impressing Upon Vs. Impressing
I studied rhetoric in college. You might say I have a way with words. I’d say it’s not always a good way.
See this Introductory Guide to Rhetorical Studies for more information. This course of learning seemed somewhat nebulous at times, but there are some things that stuck out. After all, we communicate every day (even amidst the pandemic). I am bound to find something I studied.
You may remember a time in your own education in which you learned about phrasal verbs. I don’t. But I understand the concept. They are defined as:
An idiomatic phrase consisting of a verb and another element, typically either an adverb, a preposition, or a combination of both
“Impressing upon” is a phrasal verb. It has quite a different meaning than “impressing”.
When you add the “upon” to “impressing” it changes the concept to one of teaching from one of showing-off. It’s more selfless than selfish.
Lessons from Sixth Grade
My sixth grade science experience was unique. I must say that I learned some lessons from that class. Looking back, I should have behaved differently, but I don’t think I would change the experience.
I learned that striving to impress often distracts you from what is really important.
I have found that impressing UPON people is much more natural. This action indicates that you have a valuable and sustainable piece of information to give them.
If what you teach someone is impressed upon them it’s not going to go away. I wrote about learning indelible lessons at the start of the month. Learning is an essential part of life and experiences are what drive our advancement.
Teaching is Natural
When you try to impress someone you have to do something that is out of the ordinary. Your focus is on the “show” and not the “substance”. You’re not providing any value to the other person. It’s about you and getting attention.
I have learned that providing value is a very important part of interpersonal relationships, whether related to business or pleasure. The most effective experiences include those that each party can take something away.
One way to provide value is to share your natural skills and knowledge. I encourage people to share what they know so as to give something, not to receive attention.
By sharing what you have, whether through words or actions, you may impress upon people lasting lessons.
What’s in Your Repertoire? Here is an excerpt from the August 4th E-Impact entry:
If habits are consistent and consistency is powerful, find some good habits. Here are some suggestions that can improve your repertoire:
reading or listening to something educational (mental health)
exercising (physical health)
talking about purpose with a loved one (emotional health)
Spending quality time with a loved one (relational health)
Praying (spiritual health)
writing or recording a journal
These practices should help you develop some of your natural skills. Those skills are what you have to offer the world. They are habits and activities that will help you teach, or impress upon people, valuable information.
Impressive Impact
Once you have the belief that you can impress upon people without having to impress them, you can then take action.
Your impact project, big or small, can thrive when you teach.
I have never donated to a charity or supported a cause because of the number of people they fed, or amount of homes they built. I wasn’t impressed.
I support great causes because they educate me on the need. They impress upon me the value of the work they do.
It is essential that your passion for your cause shows. Don’t stress your passion for the metrics you use to measure success. Focus on the issues that you, your compatriots, and your organization address.
A great leader knows everything about their field. They can do any job in the organization, but they don’t. They teach, they listen, and they execute team-building tasks well.
It is your concentration on the education of those inside and outside your organization that will lead to impressive impact.
Your skills are valuable. Your ego is not.
Share the skills. Lose the ego.
Make a lasting impression.