Go Where You Go: How to Find Your Destination
I’ve had numerous conversations in the recent weeks about finding your purpose. A few conversations from Speaking of Impact stick out to me:
Episode 23 with Debbie Pederson
Episode 32 with Gabrielle Bosche
Each of the guest has their own take on how important purpose is and even some tips on how to find it. There is however, one common theme, those who have a defined purpose seem to be the most confident and the most joyful.
It’s amazing how having direction provides some positive stress that pushes you to be more productive and ultimately more fulfilled.
If you haven’t been following, I have been part of a weekly entrepreneurs live broadcast and Twitter chat called #founderjam with my college teammate, Joe Nolan (JoNoMarketing). It has been a truly exciting experience. The past couple weeks we have had some guests on the show share their expertise about business and high performance.
This past week’s guest was Mark Glicini. He’s a Yale graduate, professional lacrosse player, and high performance executive coach. He has an incredible mindset for motivation. I love applying those type of principles to what we do as impactmakers because it takes a leadership, executive type perspective to truly make a positive impact in this world. There are too many imposters out there to be mediocre.
We have many platforms to share our message. But, so does everyone else. We talk a lot about making positive external change, but we’d be foolish to not address our own need for renewal. Your internal state cannot be ignored.
Being in Control
There have been a few times in my life that I have felt completely out of control in a terrible situation. I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone, but it does lead to an interesting reaction.
When you believe you’ve lost control of something, you panic. It’s a natural response. You are used to being able to dictate the situation and it’s very uncomfortable to lose something you take for granted. It’s significantly more stressful than losing something you are either prepared to or of which you are aware that there is a possibility.
In my second year of marriage, my wife and I had saved up enough money to purchase a townhome in the same city that we lived in at the time (Weston, FL, where I grew up). It wasn’t a simple process, but after a lot of searching and some “no show” viewings (I don’t think the people actually wanted to sell their place and believe there was some fraudulent activity), we found the place for us. The closing went down rather uneventful and we moved in.
We didn’t have a lot possessions at that point in our lives. This made it much easier to move. One problem is that the townhome was definitely a “fixer-upper”. The other problem, was that I can’t “fix-up” anything, no less do real construction work.
Among the list of things that we needed to fix were:
The patio screen door
The patio screen itself
The oven/stove
The small fence that housed the garbage can
The landscaping
The front door lock
The guest bathroom, specifically the toilet and shower
You might wonder why we bought a home that needs work if we couldn’t fix it ourselves or didn’t have the money to pay someone to fix it (we were broke after the downpayment). We had a special weapon to bring to the construction battle; Gene Engerer, my father-in-law.
My wife’s parents were coming down to see the new place and I knew that Dad was excited to help us fix-up the place. It kind of felt like our first child. Dad was going to spoil his grandchild.
Most of the things listed above were a pretty easy fix for Dad as he built his own home up in Michigan in the 1970’s. Construction has certainly evolved since then, but a lot of things hadn’t changed. You know what they say, “If it’s not broke, don’t fix it” (pun-intended).
Before we could work on anything, we needed to visit Home Depot (we lived there for a two week period) for some supplies I had never heard of. After returning from the store, we got right to work. The day went by really fast. I’m sure we stopped to eat at some point but that was it. Everyone was chipping in (next cliche; “many hands make light work”).
Eventually, Dad wanted to tackle the bathroom toilet. I was disgusted by the thought of tinkering with the toilet. I also knew nothing about plumbing. So, Dad decided to get down on the floor and close the water valve to the toilet. I was smart enough to figure out we needed to shut off the water prior to taking apart the commode.
The bathroom we were working in was small. You could barely fit two people inside of it. I had to stand in the door way and hold a light so that Dad could have the room to lay between the vanity and the toilet where the valve was. He was awkwardly positioned and I felt bad watching him attempt to turn a valve that probably hadn’t been touched in 20+ years.
He started to get a little frustrated and asked for a wrench. I thought nothing of it and fetched the tool. I handed it to him while holding a highly-powered corded spotlight.
Immediately upon twisting the wrench on the valve, it exploded. The valve shot up against the wall and the water was shooting out of the pipe with incredible power. Thankfully, the stream of water didn’t hit Dad in the face. It was streaming across the width of the bathroom and it drove a hole in the opposite wall.
This all seemed to be happening in slow motion. But, it was more like just a few seconds. Dad was stuck on the floor and I was holding an electrical device.
My first reaction was to shut the light off. The bathroom went pitch black, but the water was streaming and Dad was screaming, “Turn the water off!”.
I yelled back, “How do I do that?!”
He told me that the valve should be indoors and somewhere in a closet if we didn’t have a basement (which we don’t in South Florida). He was applying Michgan development principles. In the north, the shutoff valve has to be inside so that it doesn’t freeze in the winter. This was not the case where we live. I knew there was something on the front of the house outside. A neighbor and friend of ours had mentioned to me some things about the home when we moved in. They all had the same layout, so his home was built exactly the same as ours. But, I was only thinking about what my distressed father-in-law was yelling.
I spent the next minutes running around the home checking every closet, nook, and cranny in the home I hadn’t fully explored yet. I even thought about checking the attic (who knows?). Trisha and her mother were also scrambling. It was a scene to behold.
I had lost control. Amidst the chaos, I ran outside into the middle of the street. It was nighttime by this point and I didn’t know what to do. This also seemed like a long period of time, but it couldn’t have been more than ten seconds. I took a deep breath and walk back into the house. I called our friend and he told me about the valve on the front of the house. I turned it off and the chaos subsided. We had a flooded home, but everyone was okay and catastrophe was avoided.
The problem wasn’t solved until I accepted my loss of control and leaned on someone else. It’s okay to need help.
Decision Making
Having worked in the financial industry for about twelve years, I can say that our purchase of the townhouse may not seem like it was the best decision for us at the time. However, things ultimately ended up working out and we lived in the place for four years before selling it with a nice profit (we did have a major repair in the bathroom, but Dad came through).
A good decision making process has a destination in mind, but doesn’t necessarily have to have control. In fact, when you are in control, decision making is a much different, easier process. It is natural to assume you have control because it’s an easier mentally.
I found this great article from Psychology Today called, “Decision Making”. Fitting, huh? It actually stresses avoiding bad decisions. This is just as important, if not more, than making good ones.
Although simpler to assume control and make a decision solely based on your knowledge, it’s often better to acknowledge your lack of control and seek assistance.
We sought out a lot of advice before buying the townhome. We knew there were a lot of other forces that had control of the situation. It was our final decision to make the purchase, but we considered a lot of things.
Your North Star
In an ironic twist, the way to find your purpose is to ask others.
Where you go, should be where you are led.
The key word is “led”, which is the root of “leadership”. The best leaders show up consistently and implement a process. Leading does not happen in a short period of time. It develops. And while nothing lasts forever, great leadership does not operate with the assumption of a finite period. That’s selfish. It looks beyond.
For my weekly sports example, I call on the general manger’s (GM) position. A good GM always has the future of his or her organization in mind. You may have heard of a GM or even a coach, being on the “hot seat” (cliches abound today, sorry). This can lead to drastic decisions and a “risk it” mentality. The person is making a risky, selfish decision as a last ditch effort to save their job. I have seen this set franchises back for years because the expensive signing or blockbuster trade may help for that season, but it hurts after. When the season ends, an unemployed GM doesn’t care at that point because they aren’t with the team anymore.
I encourage you to look beyond what will benefit you tomorrow and look at what you can do for a better future. Assume you don’t have all the information. Accept your lack of control, and ask other people for their input. You have been given skills and talents that will do something great. It’s up to you to invest in yourself and nurture what you have.
The great news is that you will be the GM of your life until your time on Earth ends. Lead your team to greatness by losing some control and gaining some direction.
Go where you go. Confidence and joy will follow.